Well, what a day! Got off to a bad start even before I got to Hutton Roof, what with having to swerve all the time to avoid being hit by lunatic drivers who insisted on driving on the wrong side of the road. I mean, what is it with these maniacs driving on the left all the time? Where do they think they are, France or something? The sooner we all start driving in the middle of the road, so no one gets it wrong, the safer we'll all be.

I made it to the start eventually, and was greeted by the Hares, whose smug expressions had a certain "we made it round dry, but you lot haven't a snowflake in Hell's chance" quality to it. I made my way to the honesty box to put my pound in for parking, but had to queue behind Dormouse, who was trying to find a way to get money out.

A modestly sized group of elite r*nners assembled for the off, our numbers swelled by the presence of a full platoon of the Holme Lane H3. Off we trotted, secretly hoping that the r*n would be over by five past eleven, so that we might avoid a major climate catastrophe. We were out of luck, though, as the E.L.E. (Extinction-Level Event) foretold by the Met Office very quickly caught up with us. I put the ensuing sogginess down to copious quantities of cloud-originating aqueous precipitation of a pluvial nature, but Upperskirt said it was rain, and who am I to argue with her superior meteorological knowledge? Bloody woman, always using long words.

I didn't see much of the trail as, cheapskate that I am, I opted for Specsavers basic range of spectacles without the integrated windscreen wipers, but fortunately the Hares had planted several score of tall poles throughout the off-road section, on which to chalk their arrows. Must have taken them hours.

Eventually we made it to the warmth and comfort of the on inn (Greenlands Farm Bistro), quite literally soaked to the skin. Couldn't even blow my nose without wringing a pint of water from my hanky first. Lunch was a departure from the norm - a hot breakfast-oriented buffet. You could put as much food on your plate as you wanted, which was OK except that the cardboard plates buckled and collapsed if you were temped to go for that one extra sausage; plus, you then had to manoeuvre your food mountain safely to your table. Nice environment though, and very friendly staff.

No circle, so I'll have to nominate Baldbrick for a down down next time, for not observing the one-way system when exiting the car park.

A smashing trail - thank you Hares. Well worth doing again some time when the weather is kinder.

On on!