The day started by MasterBaker and myself walking to the Septics house for a lift to hash and Anti had her slippers on. I mean, would you, go to hash in your slippers! ‘Takes all sorts! Then whilst en route to hash, the Adams family who were travelling behind us were making rude hand/finger gestures through the car window! So rude! Anyway, we arrived at Crooklands to find a large crowd waiting, sporting poppies as it was 11th Nov, hence the two min silence observed at 11am. This was actually preceded by Twisted singing “I’m coming out so you’d better get this party started”! It was Cum Yak Yak’s birthday today, and Dad pushed the boat right out by allowing her to hash with a friend and go to the pub for chips and gravy, and, wait for it... a pudding! Lucky girl.

Anyway, off we go on the r*n, and the trail was fowled in the first few minutes – Morticia, really, you could’ve gone in the pub! The day was bright and sunny and the trail was so well marked that I’m sure the staff at McDougall’s are working overtime to make more flour.  I overheard a discussion between Master Baker and Bitter regarding Dickhead’s progress with his NVQ in lawnmower maintenance, a task he has apparently undertaken following long hours spent in garages. Surreal.  This week he’s been skiving and nicking beer out of the bucket (and I thought it was Baldbrick!) so it’s not looking good for the job that needs doing on Twisted’s lawnmower. Naughty bear.

We came to a wall behind which served as a toilet stop for boys. Bitter and Tw*t didn’t wave to us when we waved at them; they needed two hands, evidently.

The beer stop was at a lovely little village green in Endmoor with a bench and a clock. We had posh biscuits, amongst them lemon puffs, or as politically correctly Lurch was heard to say, “Citrus homosexuals”!

There were two kissing gates on the r*n and No More Cum and Bubbles couldn’t be bothered to wait for the traditional boy/girl thing so they kissed each other – no tongues they reckon – whatever.

Back to the On Inn where down downs were awarded by RA Cyberseptic (with his big knob) to:

• the hare, Baldbrick
• Cum Yak Yak for reaching the grand old age of 12
• Speedbump for only having a small plaster on today
• Antiseptic for ‘not having a down down for wearing slippers’
• No More Cum for being an FRB
• Morticia for fouling
• Bubbles and No More Cum for being ‘Transvestors’. (Lemon Puffs!)

Maintaining his new found feminine side, No More Cum went into the pub and ‘accidently’ ordered alcohol free beer. Nice boy. Cum Yak Yak gave her birthday chips and gravy an initial rating of eight & half but later downgraded them to seven because she wasn’t given a fork or a serviette. This cheered Bitter up as he’d only rated them at six and he’d had to swap half of them for a salmon sandwich.

To conclude: a good r*n, well marked with pack kept together, nice weather, good turnout, nice pub, good laugh.

On on to r*n 244.